He Needs to Put His Face Down In It!

Okay, so I have a problem. I laugh when you're not supposed to laugh. I'm the nervous laugher!

Recently we noticed mouse droppings in a cabinet. I told Jeff he's the "man" of the house and I think it should be his job to rid our house and cabinets of critters. He said he would go to Lowe's and buy some traps. Well, he didn't. Sunday I went to Kroger to get our weekly groceries and while I was there I picked up some glue traps for mice. We set them out last night and nothing. Tonight Jeff put a piece of cheese on it and we got a hit!

He started screaming, "I hear flopping!" I had no idea what he meant. He was in the den watching Monday Night Football while I'm in the bedroom watching Dancing with the Stars. So, he runs back here and jumps on the bed and says in the most pitiful voice, "I think we've got a mouse! He's stuck but he's not all the way on it yet. He needs to put his face down in it! I'm not a killer." Then he tells me to go look. I start laughin so hard that I can't breathe! I know it's not funny and the poor little mouse only wants some food but we don't feed those critters! I'm sending a message to his little rodent friends, "We don't like your kind, boy!"

Since starting this entry I've gone in the kitchen to look at the future dead mouse and Jeff has come back in the bedroom to inform me that he's still flopping around and that I had to get rid of it. REALLY!? All the while Hank has the cutest face. He has that perfect boxer head wrinkled up and turned sideways trying to figure out what is making the noise in the cabinet.

So, not only have I had to bring the toolbox to the marriage but the killer instinct, too? Ugh, guys...

Letter to Jay-Z

Dear Jay-Z,

We've had a relationship for...12 years now. We met my freshman year of college while I was at MTSU. Like most college relationships the girl (me) was emotionally attached and the guy (you) was physically attached (to the money I spent on your CDs). We met in the car of my big sis, Misty. It was your second CD and it was love at first sound for me. You probably don't remember but I'm from a small town and we didn't have MTV, VH1, or even a local hip-hop station so I was a late bloomer in many entertainment aspects. As for my foray into the rap/hip-hop world, you were and always will be my first love. We always remember our first don't we?

As my college career changed so did the "hot new artist" but still my love for you stayed true. I will never forget a perfect spring night when I was at the Kappa Sig house practicing for All-Sing and your latest song came on "Big Pimpin"! I didn't think anyone else was wise to the new song you had dropped but low and behold there was one...a girl, THAT girl! She was Columbian. She had raven hair flowing over her shoulders and the perfect olive/tan skin that most people can only dream of. She was wearing a white sweater set from Ann Taylor and she jumped up on a picnic table on the porch of the fraternity house and she sang every word to "Big Pimpin". As soon as the song ended she hopped down and ran off to her car to meet her boyfriend and in those few moments while I watched in wonder I knew I had just witnessed my future BFF sing in perfect time and jet off in the night like a dream. I met her a short time later and for the next two years (the rest of our college careers) we were inseperable! You are part of some of my favorite college memories.

Then you started to drift on me. Towards the end of college years you met and started dating her. We won't mention names. However I do have a few comments to make about you...and her. COME ON! We all know the carpet doesn't match the drapes. She isn't fooling anyone. Don't you think it's weird that her hair color is the same color as her skin? And on a serious note, your work has suffered since you've been with her.

I found out that you were releasing a new album recently and I wanted to get it to help me get in a "New York frame of mind" for a trip I'll be taking there soon. Can you imagine my disappointment? Really? This is the new album from my favorite rapper? I hate to tell you this but it's time we broke up. I want to thank you for all the time we've had together and I want you to know that your best songs (from your single years) are on my iPod. I will always have a place for you in my heart but if you keep putting out music like you have been for the last few years then we can't have a future.

You disappointed me when you came out of retirement. I really thought that when you came back you'd be ready, raw and freaking AWESOME. Instead all I could think was I wished you had stayed there. Even Brett Farve had an awesome season when he came out of retirement (the best season of his career last year...) but you haven't created anything worthwile. Go back to retirement and look pretty.

It's been good,
Tori

The Wink

Monday morning dawned like any other day. I went through my regular routine like I do every day getting ready for work. I got to work and I started my day. Just a regular day, good day...and then around 10:3o I got a random wink from a fella. It was the most perfectly delivered wink! It truly made my day. All day long I had a smile on my face. Later in the day I went to the dermatologist and he told me enjoyed seeing me because I'm always smiling and because I try to take care of my pastey, pale skin. Little did he know that earlier in the day I'd received the best wink I've had in a while.


Let me explain this to you is simplier terms...I AM EASY. E-A-S-Y! A good wink and I'm good for the whole day (ah, hmmm. Maybe a week!)! A well delivered wink is the fastest way to my...Hmmm.


Now, to all the serial winkers out there. STOP! Don't wink all the time. You've got to throw out a special, secret, "it's between you & me" wink! I swear a wink reduces me to a little girl. I want to toss my hair, or hold my hands together and giggle. I love a well delivered wink. There's something so compelling about the perfect wink. Sometimes I'll wonder, "Was that wink really for me?" And then I know that it was all mine. I will even allow that a slight nod after the perfect wink is not only acceptable but may even empasize the perfect wink.


RANDOM WINK=GOOD


SERIAL WINK=BAD

Mix Up, Mash Up

I've watched two movies this weekend during my lovely, lazy weekend. The first one I watched was Funny People with Adam Sandler. I knew that the movie didn't get great reviews when it came out but I like most of the actors in the movie so I figured I'd give it a shot. There were some great moments in the movie (really)! There are SO many people that have a cameo in the movie. There is also a great scene where Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen heckle the doctor (seen in the previews). I don't know if all the cameo appearances or my favorite scene is enough for you to watch the movie. It gets an "eehh" rating.

Today I watched State of Play. Now that was a great movie! I don't know why it didn't get more buzz when it came out. It's got everything, sex, drama, government cover-ups, all star cast. LOVED IT (in a sing-song voice)! It was a great drama with a twist at the end (as all great dramas have). Did you ever read the book, "The Scarecrow" by Michael Connelly? As I watched Russell Crowe in this movie it reminded me a little of the book "The Scarecrow." Everything about Russell Crowe's character was how I pictured Jack McEvoy* in that book. If you haven't watched State of Play, then I would highly recommend it. If you haven't read "The Scarecrow" then you need to check that one out today! Good stuff all the way around. Both get a "Woo Hoo!"

On a side note, I watched the movie Eat Pray Love. It was great. I don't know how you would enjoy it if you hadn't read the book because the movie leaves a lot out. Not in a bad way, there is so much in the book that some stuff had to be left out or you'd be in the theater all week! If you want to watch it, please read the book first.

So, tonight I decided to clean...everything. The dishes are clean, the laundry is clean and I even decided to wash the dog. As I get the scene of the crime primed and ready I turn on my iPod. I get Hank in the shower and as I'm scrubbing him like he's never been scrubbed before I hear one of my favorite songs. "Hometown Glory" by Adele. I just love that song. You know how you usually like one song by a singer and you buy the CD and you regret buying the CD because all the other songs suck? Well, it's not that way with my girl Adele. I can put in the CD, hit play and enjoy...the whole dang thing. So, back to the story, Hank and I are in the shower and I recognized the song and it immediately reminded me of one of my favorite shows, "Secret Diary of a Call Girl." The fall seasons are starting soon and I will probably lose myself in all new shows. Secret Diary is going to return for a fourth and final season in January. CAN'T WAIT!!

*Jack McEvoy reminds me of James McEvoy...LOVE HIM!! Just seeing the name makes me want to watch something with James McEvoy.

Spanish Slang

*channelling my inner Ricky Bobby*

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus,

Please help me. I need you to help me keep my mouth closed as I hear a neighbor constantly spit out Spanish like he is cool. He can not use a proper "inside" voice and I hear him call everyone "Amigo"! Just now as he bid farewell to his BFF he said, "Hasta". Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, I ask for you to help me sit in my chair and not go beat him with a bat that is just down the hall. This man is obviously clueless. He smells like a hamster cage and is either so scared of turning on the light to wake his wife that he dresses in the dark...or he is blind. I do think that he can see because I found porn on his computer one day...so again, he must be scared of his tiny wife and dress in the dark. This man needs all the help he can get. He does not need me to yell and berate him for an act of coolness that he clearly isn't able to pull off. Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, thank you for listening to me. I hope that this letter to you will help me find some inner peace and help my neighbor in the many ways he needs help.

Thanks,
Vicky Lynn

Mema's Mantra

I just finished reading the book Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It was FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC! I loved every word she wrote.

I really think that if my Mema knew what a mantra was and if she wanted one it would have been Eat Pray Love. I think that is probably the mantra for all good, church-going southern women. I really think that my Mema would have looked at Liz Gilbert and said, "Well, honey, you didn't have to go around the world for that. I could have told you that."

I know that my Mema would have believed that there was no problem that couldn't be solved with a hot plate of food, a prayer and some good quality family time. I just can't help but think about my Mema and her simple, southern wisdom while I was reading this book. For example, one time I found out my cousin was pregnant. I was asking my mom how my cousin got pregnant (meaning, did she forget to take her pill, did a condom break, etc.). My Mema was sitting next to me in the car, quietly listening to the whole conversation and as I await my mom's answer, Mema answers instead, "Is there a new way? I only know of one way." Ah, yes! Thank you, Mema!

Liz Gilbert didn't have my precious Mema. She had a crazy life that was so full of emotion and I think Liz had to take a tour around the world to find her inner peace, an inner peace that my husband says he found while sitting on the front porch with my Mema shelling peas, watching golfers and discussing what a wonderful day it is. We didn't need a Balinese medicine man or an Indian Guru. We had Mema!

As Liz took her tour around the world, experiencing new people, places and cultures I was enthralled! I loved reading her adventures. I wanted to wallow in her experiences. I took my time reading this book (one week and two days) because I really wanted to absorb her experiences. She is such an amazing writer. I honestly felt like I was reading an e-mail from a friend instead of reading the memoir of a stranger. This is the first book I have ever read that I wanted to highlight, write in the margins and tab great passages. Please do yourself a favor and go read this book today. I do think that it might fall into the category of "chick lit" but she is funny and personable enough that I think men can relate and I also think that she experienced so many different challenges in her life that men and women can relate to her.

Please do yourself a favor and read this book! Two thumbs up! Great fun!

And I shall leave you with three of my favorite quotes from the book:

"God never slams a door in your face without opening a box of Girl Scout cookies..."

"Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be."

"Tis' better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's life perfectly."

Thank you Liz Gilbert for taking me on amazing adventures, teaching me wonderful life lessons, and for having the gift to put it all into a book. Thank you!

If he's even, he's leavin!

The number one rule for a defensive back is to keep his opponent in front of him. If a running back can get even with his defender, it's over. He's leaving...for the end zone. I learned this lesson today. It's a great football lesson but it's also a great life lesson.

I just finished watching The Express. It's the story of Ernie Davis, an incredible football player and an incredible person. He was a man of amazing character. The movie was a fantastic sports movie but it was also a great motivational movie. Ernie was able to get even on the football field and in life. He was able to break through tackles and to break down sterotypes. And, the movie made me desperate for cooler weather! I'm ready for fall and football season.

If you are in the mood for a great sports movie and a little inspiration then this is the movie for you! Ernie Davis was a fighter. He fought on the football field for every yard. At first he unknowingly fought in the civil rights movement and then he knowingly fought in the movement. And later, he fought for his life. It's a great story. One that I'd never heard of until I watched this movie.

I highly recommend this movie. It's a great family movie, a great motivational movie, and a great sports movie. It gets an official "Woo Hoo!"