I did something today that I have never done before. I went to the eye doctor. Shocking, I know. Well, I'm -- years old and I've never had any eye problems so I've never had a reason to go. My husband, who has terrible vision, thought it was the strangest thing that I'd never been before and decided it was time I started going. Okay, fine. So, this morning is my first ever eye exam and I've never met these people before in my life...but they know Jeff (nerdy, uptight, banker, mother f---er - quote from $5 Yo about bankers and Jeff in general - Ah-hahahaha!). So, I guess if you know him you wouldn't expect him to be with "Mouth of the South Tori"...but he is.
And let me interject here that I LOVE Jenny Lawson. She brightens my days and makes me laugh and entertains be beyond any other blogger and writer, to date. Her first novel came out on Tuesday and I received my copy of her book yesterday. Well, I didn't get to read much yesterday because we went to a Jackson Generals baseball game last night and got home late. Well, I thought sitting in a waiting room and exam room would be the PERFECT time to start reading her book! Well, the thing about Jenny is that she LOVES cuss words (yes, in the south they are cuss not curse words).
And back to today's eye exam. So, I've read the Introduction and the first chapter and I'm plowing through the second chapter when the nurse comes in to do the "work up". I put my book in my purse and I'm all business. I have great vision and I'm ready to amaze these ladies with my ability to read the fine print...and boy, do I!
She tells me to hold that little cup, wand thing of my left eye and read the smallest print I'm able to read and then she told me to hold it over my right eye and read the smallest print I'm able to read. We went through about 4 or 5 screens of letters before we hit "that one".
Interjection # 2. Have you ever seen that e-mail that has all the words with all the letters in the incorrect order but you can still read it? And it says that the brain is able to figure out the word because the first and last letter are in the correct spot? Well, think of that e-mail as I continue.
And back to the story...so, she hits the button and the next screen pops up and there are 6 letters across the bottom. I've had 100% success rate so far so why would this slide be any different? Well...it was. And I blame Jenny Lawson. The first two letters were random and don't really matter but for the sake of having something we'll say it was A and D. Then the letter F...then the letter U...then the letter C...then the letter K. Yes, I spelled out F-U-C-K to the nurse! And she DIED laughing because...I was wrong! It was F-U-O-K! Again, I blame Jenny Lawson for making me see the word FUCK because I had just read it a million times in the first chapter and a half of her book.
So, now I'm "that" girl at the eye doctor. I'm sure they can't wait for next year so they can see what other words I "see" on their magic screens.
In case you're wondering I have wonderfully healthy eyes. My left eye is 20/20 and my right eye is better than 20/20. And the only random thing in the whole experience is that I learned I have a freckle in my left eye! So, maybe it's true I have freckles everywhere...or almost everywhere.
Can't wait for work to be over so I can get back to reading Jenny's filthily hilarious book!
