I shared this story with some friends on Saturday night and one of the girls asked me to share the story with the guys so that her husband would know that she's not the only one that has drastic and strange mood swings and pity parties. So, after hearing her say that I figure there might be a few guys that might appreciate that their wife isn't the only one that can throw a fit and other ladies might enjoy hearing about someone else throwing a fit for a change. And this time I would like to blame the cursed monthly visitors that besiege ladies once a month. I don't think I would have been as severe in my mood swing or my pity party if it wasn't for that!
So, Saturday morning I got up and made my nest on the couch and started watching Downton Abbey. I had specifically waited until Saturday morning to watch it because I know that Jeff doesn't enjoy it. Well, it was a 2 hour special and 36 minutes into the show Jeff comes in the den and makes a snide comment like, "Oh, great. Downtown Abbey." I lost it. My body and mind were overtaken by crazy, raging hormones likes of which are usually one seen in movies! I turned off the TV, threw the remote, grabbed my pillow and blanket and stalked into the bedroom, got under the covers in bed and started crying. It was...an out of body experience! And Jeff immediately comes into the bedroom and asks, "What just happened?" To which I start crying even harder and profess my embarrassment at throwing such a lovely fit. So, I calmed down, and we go back in the den, watch the rest of the show and think we're about to begin our Saturday. Oh, how wrong we were.
After Downton Abbey ended I went in the bathroom, got in the shower and proceed to cry the whole time. I really didn't think I was a big birthday person and I really don't consider myself to be a big birthday person but apparently I am. Turning 30 didn't bother me but I guess every number I have to tack on to the end of 30 is starting to hurt. And along with the hurt of the numbers increasing is the adult truth of not feeling special or important or...something at least one day a year. And I just get a jipped feeling on my birthday. It isn't any one's fault. No one deliberately tries to forget and/or ignore my birthday or just not celebrate it. It's a busy time of year and everyone is still recovering from the holidays, etc. It's just something I need to learn to deal with and let go. So, I will probably only have a birthday party on the big numbers and if 30 was any indication of how those parties will be...it won't live up to what is in my mind...so I need to change my mind. I know it's on me. I'm the one that gets excited and hopeful and therefore let down. I'm the one that needs to change.
So, from now on. Help me. Help me to remember how blessed I really am and how absolutely selfish and childish I am to wish and want for birthday parties and fun and all the stuff that goes with it. I'm thirty-_____ (insert the ever changing number here). Time to suck it up, get over it and move on. And if you happen to walk into a raging fit of hormones or pity party (by me or any other woman on the planet) just blame it on something we can't control and wait for it to pass. It always does!
