Okay, I just can't hold it in any longer. I have to post this somewhere and I feel like only a rare few read this whereas everyone would see this on Facebook...so. Here we go. Down in the rabbit hole that are my pet peeves. Where do I start?
1. Please stop slurping! My next door neighbor at work slurps all her drinks. I really do not want to HEAR you drink your slimfast. I used to think she slurped her coffee because it was hot but now she's on a diet and she's drinking slimfast and all she does is slurp! I'm on the verge of knocking down some walls with my disgust of hearing her drink her beverages. Why was no one taught that is not only rude but gross...and as I type, she just took a big gulp...my skin is crawling.
2. PLEASE, Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, PLEASE stop scraping your fork on your teeth! I honestly don't know which is the worst offense to me. At the moment probably the slurping because it's what I'm hearing but when people eat their meals and scrape their teeth on their fork it's all I can do to stay at the table. Recently I was sharing a meal with said teeth/fork scraper. It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut and continue the conversation as if nothing were wrong. I have NO idea what I said during the meal. The whole time I was seated I was envisioning myself getting up, no excuses, no comments to my fellow diner, just walking right out the door and not returning. It was making my skin crawl! Then, to top it off I start to over analyze the eating technique of my fellow diner. Most people have been on the receiving end of an awkward handshake, right? The "dead hand" guy that doesn't squeeze or shake, just throws his dead hand up there for you to hold? Yeah, watching this person eat was much like experiences a "dead hand" shake. This person would open their mouth for the fork and push the fork against their top teeth and pull! AAAAHHHH!!! Even picturing it I'm getting grossed out. Please, for all things Holy in this life, insert the fork, close your lips and pull the fork out...without the use of teeth! But, even if you couldn't break that habit at least I couldn't see you "dead teeth" the fork! You disgust me.
3. And, smacking. Most of us would think that smacking would be associated with eating, correct? Not so, my friends! I have two co-workers that make smacking sounds when they talk. SO WEIRD! Especially a certain someone, he always clamps his mouth shut and then there is this big suction sound followed by a massive smack as he is about to profoundly expound on the subject at hand. I think all the air in the room leaves as this event occurs. I can't believe the walls of his office are still standing! Then my next door neighbor (Slimfast Slurper) makes a smacking/squeaking noise every time she talks. Does her mouth create too much saliva? Does she need to see a doctor about this? I don't know but it baffles me.
4. Ah, the open mouth chewers! I have many of these in my family, I'm ashamed to say (along with some slurpers & teeth scrapers...they're everywhere)! Just last night I was getting a pedicure with a friend and we were discussing some fellow Jacksonians and I made a comment that I liked someone but I could not share a meal with her (or at least sit across from her during the meal) because she's an open mouthed chewer. My thought about this certain mouth chewer (as with most mouth chewers) is that her nose doesn't work. She must have a deviated septum or something that blocks oxygen from entering through her nose so she uses her mouth and therefore she doesn't realize that she's an open mouth chewer. Folks, come on! I do not want to see your chew your food like Mazie the Cow! Please shut your mouth!
Please do not draw any attention to yourself when you are eating...just quietly eat, drink and consume your food. PLEASE?! SERIOUSLY PLEASE!?
Okay, I could probably go on but we'll stop with the food pet peeves today. Thank you for letting me share...By the way, I know that I have appalling manners in certain areas and that overall I shouldn't judge. That is how I keep my friends and keep my mouth shut (except when the "family" part of my brain kicks in and it's out before I realize it). I will happily say that for those of my friends and family I do truly love...I honestly don't notice if you do any of this stuff...it's just the people that haven't reached that pinnacle of my inner circle.
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